Be Still...

New Home

2006-07-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

I just moved in to another home. It's not that I didn't like the previous one but things got a little unmanageable especially on some arrangements and perspectives. I'm still managing my way through the new place but think I will enjoy it there. Hope you'll still visit me and have a look at my new home.. See you around! By the way, please update your links to my new address.. Lol!

Understanding True Sacrifice

2006-07-01T19:28:00.000+08:00

I got this quote from The Dawn Patrol where they posted it as a quote of the day and the first person to guess the author of the quote will win the book from which the quote was extracted. I don't know about you but, for me, the quote is a prize as it is. Stumbling upon it and learning the truth behind it help us know more about that Big Man up there and strengthen our relationship with Him, which is, far more beautiful and beneficial than anything else in this world. Here it is:

"In all religions sacrifice is at the heart of worship. But this is a concept that has been buried under the debris of endless misunderstandings. The common view is that sacrifice has something to do with destruction. It means handing over to God a reality that is in some way precious to man. Now this handing over presupposes that it is withdrawn from use by man, and that can only happen through its destruction, its definite removal from the hands of man. But this immediately raises the question: What pleasure is God supposed to take in destruction? Is anything really surrendered to God through destruction? One answer is that the destruction always conceals within itself the act of acknowledging God's sovereignty over all things. But can such a mechanical act really serve God's glory? Obviously not. True surrender to God looks very different. It consists — according to the Fathers, in fidelity to biblical thought — in the union of man and creation with God. Belonging to God has nothing to do with destruction or non-being: it is rather a way of being. It means emerging from the state of separation, of apparent autonomy, of existing only for oneself and in oneself. It means losing oneself as the only possible way of finding oneself (cf. Mk 8:35; Mt 10:39). That is why St. Augustine could say that the true "sacrifice" is the civitas Dei, that is, love-transformed mankind, the divinization of creation and the surrender of all things to God: God all in all (cf. 1 Cor. 15:28). That is the purpose of the world. That is the essence of sacrifice and worship." (emphasis added) — Pope Benedict (writing as Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger), The Spirit of the Liturgy

Most of the time, we sacrifice something, either a person, thing, memories or past experiences, by getting rid of them and not wanting to have anything to do with them anymore. It's like saying, "God these things are yours now. I don't want anything to do with them anymore. Whatever your plans for them are, I don't care. I'm offering them up to you. They are yours." Can you relate? I can. But the idea of true sacrifice is not taking these things off our lives but letting God make His way on them. How can God be glorified through my struggle? How can God's love be shown through this person I really hate? How can God's power manifest through my problems? God wants us to let Him into everything in our lives, no matter what they are, no matter how personal, dark or insane they are. Through this we are acknowledging his sovereignty over everything...God all in all...The very essence of sacrifice and worship.

Midnight Thoughts...

2006-06-26T08:02:00.000+08:00

How do you let go of what has been so special to you, even for such a short time? You're there, in the center where you are torn between giving up or holding on to the promise you made. ...continually asking the classic questions in which you don't seem to get any answer...

How far should you go before you stop? How many pleas should you do before you finally get tired of asking? How much waiting should you endure before you finally move on?

...desperate to receive signs, even the faintest ones, that will light just a single strand of hope that you have been keeping in your heart. ...praying that you will hear a word from, or just a glance at that wonderful thing... before it all ends. --------------------------- Just some thoughts I had. I don't know if they even make sense. Lol!

Passing the Baton

2006-06-20T21:54:00.000+08:00

Last sunday, we celebrated the Father's Day in our local church and gave honor to the fathers. As I was thinking of a word of encouragement for fathers, I read this quote from James Dobson about the crucial role of fathers to their children. I hope you will be challenged too to prepare yourselves to carefully and securely hold on to Christ's teaching and be able to successfully pass it to our children. ---------------------------- PASSING THE BATON by James Dobson [A Father's] most important responsibility, I believe is to communicate the real meaning of Christianity to his children. This mission can be likened to a three-man relay race. First, your father runs his lap around the track, carrying the baton, which represents the gospel of Jesus Christ. At the appropriate moment, he hands the baton to you, and you begin your journey around the track. Then finally, the time will come when you must get the baton safely in the hands of your children. But as any track coach will testify, relay races are won or lost in the transfer of the baton. There is a critical moment when all can be lost by a fumble or miscalculation. The baton is rarely dropped on the back side of the track when the runner has it firmly in his grasp. If failure is to occur, it ill probably happen in the exchange between generations. According to the Christian values that govern my life, my most important reason for living is to get the baton, the gospel, safely in the hands of my children. Of course, I want to place it in as many other hands as possible; nevertheless, my number one responsibility is to evangelize my own children. I hope millions of fathers agree with that ultimate priority. ---------------------------- Happy Father's Day!!

Another Lea Salonga Video...

2006-06-10T18:53:00.000+08:00

But this is not just any other Lea Salonga video. This is the one where she won the 1991 Tony Awards Best Actress in a Musical for her role as Kim in Miss Saigon. A few people enjoyed the first video where Lea is just auditioning for the role. It is wonderful to see where it all began but it is another thing when you see her winning the awards.. It gives you a feeling of pride for the Filipinos. Enjoy!

And here are two additional videos. The first one is the final audition and selection process for Miss Saigon where Lea Salonga got the role of Kim and Monique Wilson is cast as a Saigon bar girl.

The last one is a song entitled You Could Drive a Person Crazy from the musical Hey! Mr. Producer with our very own Lea Salonga, Maria Friedman (Passion, Lady in the Dark), Ruthie Henshall (She Loves Me, Peggy Sue Got Married) and Millicent Martin (Side by Side by Sondheim, King of Hearts).

Waiting Game

2006-05-29T22:53:00.000+08:00

I was about to go home when I swung by Tom's Journey. I read there, on the top of his posts, these quotes from the book Red Moon Rising by Pete Grieg and Dave Roberts.

"I feel like God is waiting to see if I am waiting. If he just flooded in with answers and guidance right now, I would not have changed, I would not have learned to wait and trust without the answers and without a roadmap for the future. So I'm glad that God was silent, because I actually want to wait...
I don't necessarily want ease and instant anything any more. I want to be different before I do anything different. So I'm waiting for God, and God is waiting for me to see if I am really waiting for him, and not just wanting things from him."

I am one of those people who has engaged in this game for a very long time. I continuously pray for God to help me on my struggles with a lot of things but sometimes I don't even give Him a chance to speak or even listen to what He has to say. I always go back to what I have been doing and don't take heed on His words. Sometimes we don't get the answers to our prayers because we are so busy looking for the answer ourselves. And if He just gives us what we want, right away, we will never change. We will continuously do what we used to do knowing that God will help us anyway. We just want things from Him, but we won't listen. But no, God wants us to wait for Him. It's like hearing Him say, "If you won't listen to what I have to say, then you won't get what you ask for". Lol! It just struck me that sometimes, prayers are not answered because we asked. We get the answer to our prayers because we listened. We waited on what the answer would be: would He be giving us what we ask for, or would He be leading us into something that is much better?

picture taken from Pernickaproductions.com

STRAINSlation

2006-05-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

Photo taken from Worth1000.com

I'm not sure if I did a good job with the title but I tried my best to be creative, so live with it! LOL! I came up with the title because that is what I am experiencing on a weekly basis, strain in translations. waah! Two pastors (in our church they are called officers), from Australia, together with their kids are attending Sunday Service in our corps for a couple of months now. They are very participative during the services and they seem to be enjoying themselves every sunday. Church members, especially the children, are so fond of them and their two daughters (who by the way are cute little dolls). But then we can't disregard the communication barrier. They do not know how to speak Filipino and a lot of the church people are not so good in speaking in English (I consider myself a part of this group). And since not all the people from our church is able to speak in english, on most parts of the service people are speaking Filipino, and if they can, they utter small phrases in english. This is where my role comes in. I serve as the translator. *plays the usual sound effects on horror movies* Lol! How I wish I am as fluent as Nicole Kidman in "The Translator" as she translates the meeting for the African representatives. Lol! But no, I also struggle in speaking in English (you can prove it by counting how many grammatically incorrect entries are there in this blog! haha!). Sometimes I think I am dyslexic because I forget the English terms even for the simplest words, words that are taught during elementary. Lol! Sometimes I don't think I make sense anymore as I speak in English. Mas maganda siguro kung tagalugin ko na lang ito. Lol!! I remember one time, while speaking with one of the Australian pastors, she used the word "condescending" during the conversation. I didn't know what it meant by that time so I just laughed. Lol! I'm not complaining. It is quite pleasing to know that I am capable of speaking even a little of the English language and converse with foreigners. But sometimes (especially during my translation stunts...lol!) I don't think I'm making sense to them. I sometimes find it hard, especially during testimonies, when the speaker elaborately tells his or her story. I sometimes find myself pausing for a while and then summarizing the whole sentence. I'm still thankful that I know how to speak in english. It just so happened that He has given me a new task and responsibility. For me, it wouldn't be easy, but hey not everybody can do it. Having more talents comes more responsibility. I'm quoting Rick Warren, not Spider Man. Lol!!

iNcident iNvolving an iPod

2006-05-26T21:43:00.000+08:00

I agree with what Tom said about the iPod iSolating us from the people around us. It's so sad that I had to learn it the hard way. Two days ago, I unconsciously hurt somebody because I was busy listening to my iPod and somehow wanted to feel good and look cool. In the end, I received criticism instead of compliment. It was so depressing and affected my testimony to others. That morning, my Aunt was sitting right outside their gate playing with her granddaughter and talking with the other people in the neighborhood. As I went out of the house, I didn't notice her there and didn't hear her calling me "Ninong" (because I was that baby's godfather). I just went on and was quite enjoying the music on my iPod. Sadly, she took it offensively and thought I am angry with her and just snobs her around. I learned about all this when I went home that night and my Mom told me about it. I felt so guilty. It would be so terrible if this will build a gap between our families. We have been living close to each other for a very long time and we have been supporting each other through thick and thin. I attempted to talk to her yesterday before going to work but no one was inside the house. I just hope I will be able to talk to her and say sorry before things get worse. Other than learning that it is a big NO to listen to iPods or Walkmans or anything when I am around with people, there is still a relationship to mend. I know I did not deliberately do it but I know God is teaching me humility and respect, and he makes me realize to weigh what is really important...family.

My Finger Pointing Towards... Me

2006-05-24T20:25:00.000+08:00

This morning I just had the most unbelievable conversation in my entire life while having breakfast in the canteen just inside our building. I was enjoyably eating my pansilog (haha! it's my term for pansit canton, sinangag and itlog) with two of my colleagues when our conversation directed to watching the Da Vinci Code. One of them blatantly claimed that there is really a possibility of Christ having a son. She said it may not be with Mary Magdalene but still Chirist could really had had a son during His earthly days. Huwaaat!!! She believes that there are lots of books and gospels that were not included in the Bible and one of them might have the full account of Christ's love story. Again... Huwaaat!!! During that conversation I thought she was insane. I furiously wanted to defend what I believe and tell her that she is wrong and that it is not what the Bible says. But then while blogging about it, I had a different look on it. God has been showing me a lot of things lately and this situation just added up to the things that He is trying to dig down my spirituality. Instant catharsis. Instead of pointing out how absurd her thoughts were, I was able to look deep inside and question myself. Who am I to tell her that she is wrong? How much do I really know this person, Christ, that I desperately wanted to defend? How much of the things that are written in the Bible do I really believe in and claim as true? How much of the teachings in the Bible do i really follow and live with? With those questions in mind my index finger suddenly pointed back to me, together with all my other fingers. I rest my case. About her, I know God will send somebody to deal with her and her beliefs and I know that, right now, I am not that person. I have to go back to Him and have a long talk. I know He needs to deal a lot of things about me first.

I've Been Tagged!! Woohoo!!

2006-05-23T19:34:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Kuya Ganns because for the first time in my bloglife, it finally came to me... I've been tagged!! Yey!! Haha!! OK, here it goes... Instructions: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so. 1) Kiss My Mike 2) Micerridwen 3) Wifely Steps 4) Superblessed 5) Be Still... Next select five people to tag: 1) Karen 2) Ariane 3) Turtlepace 4) Jayred 5) Leah Beth Here are the questions…*eggzayted* What were you doing 10 years ago? I was freshman in high school and probably worrying of being kicked out of high school for consistently failing Beginning Algebra and General Science. LOL! What were you doing 1 year ago? Probably in my office formatting computers. *ugh* Five snacks you enjoy: 1) Lucky Me Pansit Canton Chillimansi flavor 2) spanish bread (fresh from the bakery.LOL!) 3) monay na may palaman 4) Pillows 5) Baked Macaroni Five songs to which you know all the lyrics: 1) Crazy Love by Poco 2) With Every Breath by Jars of Clay and Sixpence None the Richer 3) Vincent by Don McLean 4) On and On by Stephen Bishop 5) Out of My League by Stephen Speaks Five things you would do if you were a millionaire: 1) Give at least 10% to the Church. 2) Take my family to a trip to another country. Maybe Switzerland or France. 3) Buy my dream car.. a Honda Civic!! LOL! 4) Help my mom put up a small business or perhaps a garden she can keep. 5) Grant a wish each from my brother and sisters. As long as my money can buy it. Haha! Five bad habits: 1) Over eating. 2) Over sleeping. 3) Procrastination 4) Always in the middle (especially during decisions) 5) Tardiness. Five things you like doing: 1) Blogging. 2) Reading books 3) Singing 4) Watching movies 5) Playing computer games Five things you would never wear again: 1) Combat shoes. 2) See-through shorts (Haha!) 3) Shorts with zipper while swimming 4) Tight fit jeans 5) White socks under black pants Five favorite toys: 1) PC 2) Atari Family Computer (Haha!) 3) Bioman toy robot (I had it when I was six) 4) Word Factory 5) MIllionaire's Game

The BIG News!!

2006-05-15T19:37:00.000+08:00

Our Annual Physical Examination (APE) results just came in today. It is now official..I am obese..Waaahh!!!

Lea Salonga's Audition to Miss Saigon

2006-04-26T18:50:00.000+08:00

I really have to link this one because I'm a fan of Lea Salonga and I loved Miss Saigon and seeing this made me fall in love with her and the play all over again. Though I was not able to watch it when they came here, which is a great loss on my part.*sigh* Anyway, this is a video of Miss Lea Salonga, auditioning for the part of Kim in Miss Saigon. With Claude-Michel Schonberg on the piano and Nicholas Hytner, Cameron Mackintosh, Alain Boublil looking on. She was really amazing, the moment she opened her mouth. I wonder what it would be like if I could play as Chris. Lol! Enjoy!

My Picture That Really Frightened Me (LOL)

2006-04-26T12:58:00.000+08:00

After a couple of months, I finally got my Social Security ID. I was really excited to open it up and have a look at my picture on it. After all, this is my first SSS ID and I will be using this for the rest of my life, so I should better be looking good. But when I finally opened the letter and saw the ID attached to it..I got the greatest scare of my life!!! Lol!!! I never thought in my entire life that I would have weight problem, but with this picture... I think I really have a problem. Haha! Good luck to me.

Die or Live For it?

2006-04-25T21:41:00.000+08:00

I was about to go home when I read a post from the rebelutionists Alex and Bret entitled The Bible or the Bullet. It told the story of a 16-year-old girl that was shot by communist soldiers because she chose to love the Bible instead of spitting on it. Suddenly, I got reminded of a friend's text message to me that goes like this:

"You may never have to face the decision of whether or not to die for your faith, but everyday you face the decision of whether or not you will live for it."

We Filipinos are so lucky that we are able to freely express our faith without facing the consequences of death or torture. But most of the time, we take our faith for granted. Sometimes our faith becomes meerly words spoken or knowledge gained, but neither experienced nor lived. We do not have to fear that policemen will take us to jail and torture us until we deny our God, always scared to reveal to the public about our faith. No. In our case, we find it so hard to live a Christian life even without the threats. God doesn't expect us to do what the girl, or all the other heroes of faith, did. He just wants us to live a life that is like Christ's. We do not have to look for terrorists or people who detest God to show God how much we love Him. We have our own ungodly acts, our sinful habits. He wants us to show Him that even in smallest parts of our lives He is there, His words are always thought of and His will is always sought. A few weeks ago a picture always popped in my head. It shows a man standing in front of two entrances that lead to different directions. The entrance on the left is dark and quite narrow, the ones we see on caves that leads to the depths of a mountain. On the other hand, the entrance on the right is brighter and inviting. If the entrance on the left resembles an entrance to a cave, this one resembles an exit from a very dark and long journey inside a cave, when you finally see the light of the world. At that moment I didn't know what that means. I remembered Matthew 7:13-14:

13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Silly me, I prayed something like this, "Lord, when the time comes that you are going to come back and take your children and we will be in this situation where we have to choose between the two paths, please tell me what to do." Stupid as it may seem, I did pray that. Lol. Then suddenly, it occured to me that it is not something that will happen when Christ comes back. It's not even something that has to be done in a few months. It's what should be happening every minute that we spend this life on earth. We should be able to thread the narrow gate, whatever difficulties it may present to us. It is so hard to put down a Coelho book when it is time to have your devotion. It is so hard to turn off the television during your most favorite tv show when it is time to go and meet your disciples/sheeps or attend a church function. It is so hard to get up early in the morning to attend sunday school or early Church services. It is so hard to tell your friends that you are a Christian because they might label you as "banal" or words like that. It is so hard to look away from porn pictures especially when there is no one around. It is so hard to tell the truth especially when you know that the consequence might hurt, or is irrevocable. In general, it is so hard to get out of our comfort zones. We all want the fastest, easiest and less complicated way to happinness. But that's not what He asks us to do. The standing question is are you willing to live up for your faith? It won't be fast and easy but when you reach the end.. it will be worth it..

New Look...

2006-04-17T21:42:00.000+08:00

What do you think? Did it look better? Or not so better (Haha!)? Comments!

Easter Reflections

2006-04-17T18:55:00.000+08:00

Just one post before I go home. Last week I had the privilege to attend a week-long meditation at our Church where assigned speakers will talk about Christ's teachings. I also had the privilege to speak in front and discuss John 15 to the congregation. I am very thankful because during my preparations and the whole week of meditation, God revealed to me specific things I can reflect on and evaluate my relationship with Him. I believe God asked me two things: 1. Knowing and Believing. From the things that I know about God, how much of it do I really believe? As Christians, we all know that God loves us so much that He gave His son Jesus Christ to save us from our sins and be justified. We also know that God's blessings are bountiful for everyone and that He knows the best for us. Basically, we know a lot about God's characteristics but how much of these characteristics do we really believe? How much of those passages from the Bible do we really embrace? 2. Knowing and Experiencing. From the things that I know about God, how much of it do I experience working in me everyday of my life? Nicole Nordeman, in her song I Am, called God as her Creator, Maker, Comforter, Healer, Redeemer, Lord, King and so much more that He deserved to be called. But among all these characteristics of God how many of them have we experienced in our lives? I have to admit that the rate that I would probably be getting would not be that good. Sometimes, we hear a lot of teachings about God that the line between knowing and believing gets thinner and thinner until there is no clear distinction between what we know and what we really believe in. Claiming security (in terms of our relationship with God) based on what we know with little concern on the real experience with Him. Believing that knowing the right things and saying the right words are enough to be holy and blessed. I don't actually know how to end this post, all I know is that as long as we are living, it is never late to go back to God and experience His goodness, mercy and grace. Though it wouldn't be as simple as saying "ask and believe". It will require a lot of meditation and prayer, focusing on God with the help of His bountiful grace.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight Animation

2006-04-12T17:08:00.000+08:00

Check this out! This is so hilarious! Thanks to Kuya Jayson for the link. Hehe!

About the "Lost Gospel of Judas"

2006-04-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to write more about this topic but it just occured to me that I may not be the right person to comment on this so I'll just leave it to the experts. Here is an excerpt from Dr. Al Mohler's (An Author, Speaker and President of the Southern Baptist Teological Seminary) article on The Gospel of Judas:

"What are Christians to make of all this? The publication of The Gospel of Judas is a matter of genuine interest. After all, it is important for Christians to understand the context of early Christianity--a context in which the church was required to exercise tremendous discernment in confronting heretical teachings and rejecting spurious texts. The scholarly research behind the publication of The Gospel of Judas appears to be sound and responsible. The codex manuscript was submitted to the most rigorous historical process in terms of dating, chemical composition, and similar questions. In the end, it appears that the document is most likely authentic, in terms of its origin from within a heretical sect in the third century. Nevertheless, extravagant claims about the theological significance of The Gospel of Judas are unwarranted, ridiculous, and driven by those who themselves call for a reformulation of Christianity."

You can find here the complete commentary.

Steven Curtis Chapman in Manila

2006-04-06T16:05:00.000+08:00

I really feel the need to spread the word! Steven Curtis Chapman will be having a concert here in Manila entitled I Will Be Here. This will be on May 7 at PICC Plenary Hall. This is one thing that I will be really looking forward to watch. Maybe I should start inviting people to come with me. Hehe! Who wants to watch the concert with me raise your right hand!!

How sad...

2006-04-06T15:03:00.000+08:00

It's so sad to learn that Mandisa was kicked out from American Idol. I read it from Kuya Ganns' blog who is a big Mandisa fan. I haven't seen any episode of American Idol but I was really amazed by how good Mandisa really is when I watched her sang "I'm Every Woman" and Faith Hill's "Cry" courtesy of YouTube. She was really good. I even liked her version than the original. I also admired her for being so proud of her faith. Mandisa rocks!! Too bad she had to go...

If Ever I Would Leave You

2006-03-23T17:50:00.001+08:00

If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer Seeing you in summer, I never would go Your hair streaked with sunlight, your lips red as flame Your face with a luster that puts gold to shame But if I'd ever leave you, it couldn't be in autumn How I'd leave in autumn, I never will know I've seen how you sparkle when fall nips the air I know you in autumn and I must be there And could I leave you running merrily through the snow Or on a wintry evening when you catch the fire's glow If ever I would leave you, how could it be in springtime Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so Oh, no, not in springtime, summer, winter, or fall No never could I leave you at all -- Artist: Andy Williams, (Warm and Willing, 1962) Originally from the Musical "Camelot" Words by Alan Jay Lerner Music by Frederick Loewe

Sonnet XXIX

2006-03-23T17:49:00.000+08:00

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,— and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate,;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

 --  William Shakespeare

Welcome to Our World

2006-03-23T17:45:00.000+08:00

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking How we need to hear from God You've been promised, we've been waiting Welcome Holy Child Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger How I wish we would have known But long-awaited Holy Stranger Make Yourself at home Please make Yourself at home Bring Your peace into our violence Bid our hungry souls be filled Word now breaking Heaven's silence Welcome to our world Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us Tender brow prepared for thorn Tiny heart whose blood will save us Unto us is born Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You Breathe our air and walk our sod Rob our sin and make us holy Perfect Son of God Perfect Son of God Welcome to our world

-- words and lyrics by Chris Rice Album: Deep Enough to Dream; 1997

Empty Chairs

2006-03-23T17:37:00.000+08:00

I feel the trembling tingle of a sleepless night

Creep through my fingers and the moon is bright Beams of blue come flickering through my window pane Like gypsy moths that dance around a candle flame And I wonder if you know That I never understood That although you said you'd go Until you did I never thought you would Moonlight used to bathe the contours of your face While chestnut hair fell all around the pillow case And the fragrance of your flowers rest beneath my head A sympathy bouquet left with the love that's dead And I wonder if you know That I never understood That although you said you'd go Until you did I never thought you would Never thought the words you said were true Never thought you said just what you meant Never knew how much I needed you Never thought you'd leave, until you went Morning comes and morning goes with no regret And evening brings the memories I can't forget Empty rooms that echo as I climb the stairs And empty clothes that drape and fall on empty chairs And I wonder if you know That I never understood That although you said you'd go Until you did I never thought you would --words and music by Don Mclean Album: American Pie; 1971

Sonnet XVII

2006-03-23T17:32:00.000+08:00

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close. -- Pablo Neruda Anthology: 100 Love Sonnets; 1960

Em Bak!! ("I'm Back!", Random Updates)

2006-03-07T19:27:00.000+08:00

Finally! After a very long silence, I'm back with a few updates on what happened to me. Yey! First, according to TTLB Ecosystem, I am now a Multicellular Microorganism! Woohoo! This is a great achievement for me because I didn't expect for people to actually read my posts. I even saw some blogs where they included my blog in their recommended links! Although I remember forcing a friend to add my link on her site. Haha! Thanks Karen...and Kuya Ganns...and Jake...and to all of you! I won't be able to go this far if not because of you. *blows nose* Second, a few weeks ago I met up with my good friend Jonathan Macapallag whom I met, almost two years ago, during the CineEuropa Festival at SM Megamall. Now, he is almost my height but still the jolly, crazy person that I met two years ago. Mind you, he didn't cease in reiterating that I got SO fat! Nyahaha! Just like before, I was amazed by how fiery this lad is when it comes to God's ministry even at a young age. Continue living and winning for God bro. You are a blessing. Next time we meet up, ako naman ang ililibre mo. Mwahaha! Third, it is true that when God tells you to do something, He uses His words and the people around you for you to get the message. He did the same to me last week. This time, He made sure that I will be able to "hear" it. "I just wanna encourage you still, bro. GO AND MAKE DISCIPLES. You will never be ready bro unless you step up in faith. You will mature as you minister. It's a great honor and privilege to be used by God in discipling the nation." Those were Andrew's words to me when I texted him one night, saying I think I'm not yet ready to have disciples. That's what I felt during that time. Michael W. Smith said we can never lead anybody anywhere we've never been. Right now, in front of Him, I feel like I haven't gone far enough to be able to lead anybody towards Him. But everything changed when I attended care group last thursday night. After the praise and worship, everybody started praying about obedience, standing up in faith and just obey God and go out to the field and be...harvesters... fishers of men. The fruits are ripe and He needs harvesters, reapers. I was able to do nothing but cry and ask for forgiveness. I've been paralyzed by my own fear and insecurities. I didn't have faith. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to go out of my comfort zone. That was my problem. Writing about it, I asked myself, "What heppened to 'BE STILL'? Have I forgotten my goals for this year? " 2 Chronicles 20:17 says, "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you... Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them..., and the LORD will be with you." I do not have to fight this battle.. I just have to be still and keep close to Him...

Too much of a week!

2006-01-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

This week has been a total chaos on my side of the world (haha!). Do you know the feeling when you have a lot of things to do, accompanied with what you need to do at work, at home, with friends? That's exactly what happened to me during the week. I need to prepare a lot of things for church this Saturday and Sunday. I needed to prepare for our youth meeting this Saturday. It would be the first meeting for the year and we wanted to make it special in a way. I also need to prepare my line up for Sunday's praise and worship. I have to coordinate the practice time and the songs that we will sing. Then, for the first time, I need to prepare something for our Bible Study tomorrow. I need to do extra work on this one because this is not just a small group with which I will be talking to people my age. The scariest thing about it is I will be handling the Bible Study of the whole congregation this Sunday (eeps!). I'm not complaining about having all these. No! I just realized that I worried about them too much that I ended up doing less than what i could have done. Which is so sad. I feel exhausted but then, looking back, I only accomplished a little. Coupled with misunderstandings and tensions to the people around you. What a week! I guess this is what they called "doing things my way". I did the things I need to do (or maybe, I worried about them) with my own strength, my own wisdom. Then in the end, we accomplish nothing and feel tired. Basically, I need God. It's true, I couldn't do anything without Him. I just realized that I have been floating somewhere away from Him this week. Waaah! Too bad I had to learn the hard way. Anyway, please pray for me. I could use them to steady my knees from shaking and some presence of mind for tomorrow. It will all boil down to giving glory to Him, no one else... Night everybody!

My First New Year Blog

2006-01-11T17:31:00.000+08:00

Ahhh.. New Year... New Beginning... hehe Halos lahat na ng blog na nabisita ko nagpost na ng mga New Year's Resolutions nila...ako? Ngayon pa lang! Nyahaha!I've formed my resolutions during the New Year's eve, when I attended a service on our church, what we called as Watch Night Service. Our pastor encouraged us to list down things that we will set as our objectives for the year 2006.. Here are the things that I wrote down... 1. Finish reading the Bible. Sadly, I've been a Christian for a long time now but I haven't finished reading the whole Bible. Most of us, we have time reading Shakespeare, Gaiman, Updike, Marquez, etc. but we only know a few things from the Bible. I am one of those people. So this year, it is my objective to read the whole Bible...or the whole Old Testament at least. 2. Have at least 2 disciples... The people from the care group that I attend to, they call them "sheeps". But no matter what they are supposed to be called the fact is I can't just sit back and "keep" the Good News that I have received. It's about time to "go and make disciples..." 3. Handle a cell group. I'm still praying that God will give me this ministry. I'm not sure that I'm up for the challenge. Darrell Evans said, "You can't lead somebody into something you haven't been to or not going". It's not an easy task to lead a group of people and help/support them to continue in their walk with God. Especially when you have your own struggles and failures that may be worse than what they are going through. Help me God! Here are some of the my Objectives for the year. Please pray for me as I try to accomplish each one of them for God's glory. May His name be glorified. I know, even for a year, accomplishing these things won't be easy. Going down the mountain is much easier than climbing it. BUt like what Atticus said in To Kill a Mockingbird, "You know you are licked even before you started. But you start it anyway." Why not when I have Him by my side...

My New Favorite Song for the Christmas Season

2005-12-28T19:13:00.000+08:00

This may be late to be considered as my Christmas Blog but I can't let this moment pass without doing something about it... so here it is... Once in a while we stumble upon something in which we didn't have the slightest clue that it will have a big impact on our life. This one, honestly, blew me away the first time I heard it and it makes me teary-eyed everytime I sing with it... I've been repeatedly playing the song "Welcome to Our World" by Chris Rice (Deep Enough to Dream, 1997) and it has been the only song enqueued on winamp right now. The song is just wonderful both melody and lyrics-wise. The song is basically about welcoming Jesus Christ into this world as the one promised by God as the answer to our heartbreaks and tears, the one who could "bring peace into our violence and who could fill our hungry souls". It's beautiful because it sounded like a lullaby, a song for a baby who is so precious, so vulnerable at that time but will become the Saviour who will "rob our sin" from us "and make us holy". Have you read my post "What 'Time' is Christmas?" and me saying that Christmas is about Christ who was born into this world to save us from our sins? Well this song just established the TRUTH behind Christmas, the GIFT of it and how important it is for me. Imagine a boy, a baby boy, sleeping peacefuly in a manger. Cows, sheeps and straws around Him. Technically not aware of the happenings in His surrounding. Then look at his fingers. Those "fragile" little fingers are the same fingers which will bring us healing and comfort. His tender forehead and eyebrows, in time, will suffer more than we could imagine through the crown of thorns. And His tiny heart, beating softly as He sleeps, keeps the blood flowing through His veins. The same blood that will wash away our sins when He gets to be crucified on the cross. I bet we would wish the same. "How we wish that we would have known". How I wish I could have thrown Him a warm welcome. *sigh* Merry Christmas everyone...

Calvin and Hobbes

2005-12-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

Last night, I went to Powerbooks at SM Megamall to kill some time while waiting for a friend. I was hunting for some books to read, because I was not able to find Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix nor the Memories of my Melancholy Whores a new book by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, when I came across this comic book of Calvin and Hobbes. I tell you, I looked like a lunatic laughing all by myself. It was one of the best comic strips I've ever read. A lot of people who were passing by my back were fascinated to see Calvin and Hobbes comic book there. It was really fun! I had a hard time stopping myself from laughing after every story. Haha! One word...PANALO!!!

What "Time" is Christmas?

2005-12-18T16:53:00.000+08:00

What time really is Christmas? For 22 years, I've been running around this world thinking of Christmas as "A time that should be focused on Christ and not on gifts or anything else. Also that He was born into this world, basically, for us." I know there's nothing wrong with that. Tama naman e. Yun nga lang, ang malaking tanong ay.."And so?", "Ano ngayon?"...Kumbaga, makukuntento na lang ba ako na palipasin ang Pasko na yan lang ang pinanghahawakan? Anong nangyari? Anong nagbago? Hindi na magbabago ang kahalagahan ng Pasko para sa'kin. Ang kailangan kong gawin ngayon ay magkaroon ng pagbabago sa sarili ko habang ipinagdiriwang ang pasko. Rick Warren wrote a powerful devotional about Christmas. And this is what he said... ------------------------------------------- What time is Christmas this year? You find the answer in four statements the angel said to the shepherds at the first Christmas (Luke 2:10-14). 1. It's time to release your fears! The first thing the angel said was, "Do not be afraid!" Fear is your greatest barrier to knowing God and fulfilling his purposes for your life. Fear is a self-imposed prison that keeps you from living the life God intends for you. So whatever you are afraid of - Christmas is the time to let it go. The Bible contains 365 "Fear nots" - one for every day of the year! It's time to stop worrying and start worshiping. Stop tensing up and start trusting God. 2. It's time to renew your faith! Next, the angel said "I bring you good news with great joy, and it is for everyone!" The Good News of Jesus keeps getting better because the bad news of the world keeps getting worse. The Good News is that God loves you, he created you for a purpose, you can know God personally by trusting in Jesus, and he wants you to spend eternity with him. God has really long range plans for your life! Christmas is time to come back to God. 3. It's time to receive forgiveness! Next the angel said, "Today a Savior has been born for you; He is Christ the Lord!" If our greatest need was education, God would have sent a teacher. If our greatest need was health, he would have sent a doctor. If our greatest need was financial, he would have sent an economist. But our greatest need is forgiveness, so God sent a Savior. It doesn't matter what wrong you've done, Jesus paid for it on the cross. Accept his forgiveness. 4. It's time to rebuild relationships! Finally the angel said, "Peace on earth, and goodwill to all people." Once you've accepted God's forgiveness, He wants you to forgive everyone else. Who do you need to offer forgiveness to this Christmas? It's time to make peace! ------------------------------------------- Now, all of us has something to accomplish this Christmas. I do hope that we will celebrate Christmas the best way that we can. And when everything is said and done and we are ready to face the new year, we can look up to heaven and say, "Mission Accomplished!" Merry Christmas everyone!

O Beautiful Affliction

2005-12-17T18:01:00.000+08:00

O Beautiful Affliction Merciful pain This mortal wounding bringing me to life again In suffering there’s healing This darkness revealing Silence speaking volumes to my soul O Beautiful Affliction Blessed brokenness that makes me whole - David Baroni

Pictures - Dogs

2005-12-04T15:37:00.000+08:00

Ok... I have no updates for now but I just thought why not post some pictures of me and my family. For now, I will show you our loved pets (yes, they are counted as members of our family..:D). Here are some pictures that I got of them. Forgive me if the pictures are not that clear. I took them using the cam on my phone. Anyway, just enjoy..hehe...

For Starters...

Here is me..the young drunkard..LOL

Here are three new additions to the family...PB, Britney and Baileys. They were given to me by my friend Vanessa because she thought that we can take care of them very well. But, unfortunately, we had to give Britney to one of my cousins because they need a pet in the house. They gave her the name Britney (the only female among the three). Then PB died a few weeks after. We were not sure why but he just started vomitting and won't eat anything. He died so fast we were not even able to give him medicine. =( (Btw, he was named PB because he resembled a polar bear..he had no tail..cute!) Baileys was the only one left. We thought that he was going to die as well because he won't eat. But days after, he just started to move lively around the house and eventually went well.. Thank God!

PB, Britney and Baileys

Hermes

Next, we have Hermes. One cute dog and very cuddly. He's the only one among all our dogs (past and present) who would stand up and rest his head on your legs or hips and just stay there. He was the most "malambing" as they would put it. Take a look.

This is him resting in my arm while I was playing computer games. CUTE!!!

But we are very disturbed on his behavior right now. He gets out of the house every night then would return only in the morning. Yesterday when he went home, we saw wouds on his forehead and at the back of his neck. We tied him on a leash (they are not used to that because we don't tie them up) and he started crying and howling.. We are not sure if this is natural for dogs during mating season but we sure are worried about him.

Lastly, we have Tutu. You might find the name so queer but do you remember what we say (especially in Filipino) everytime we call dogs..*whistles then says, "tutu tutu..ang cute cute naman nyan..tutu..o kain na..tutu tutu" * Haha! That's where she got her name. We didn't have anything to name her for a long time and people in our house were used to calling her that so we left things as it is. Haha! Tutu has this habit especially during the colder days. At night she will sleep on the floor but when we wake up in the morning, she is already on the bed sleeping with us..Haha!

Tutu, sleeping... with us...

Another picture of Tutu sleeping with us...

Now you've seen our pets. They may not be much or not from any known breed of dogs but we love them and they are one of our treasures here on earth..*wink wink*

Where to Walk

2005-11-29T16:08:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago I met my good friend Andrew from a youth gathering held by one of our churches in Pasay. He has been a good mentor and never failed to remind and encourage me. That day we parted ways with him prophesying something that makes me think even up to this day... "Bro, God is preparing a path for you. I don't know what that is but he is preparing something. All you have to do is walk that path and follow Him in obedience." Am still seeking His words on what that path would be. Am still clueless but still hoping that God will reveal to me what that path is... "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declared the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

Some thoughts on Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie

2005-11-29T15:48:00.000+08:00

I've just watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire yesterday with my good friend Azee. Generally, I've enjoyed the film. It somehow achieved a portion of the excitement that the book has. Also, it is somehow better to see it with all the computer graphics and the wonderful concepts of the movie creators. Though I have disappointments on the movie cause it missed to show the most exciting parts of the book. 1. The movie showed a disappointing Quidditch World Cup that only featured a very large stadium, a lot of screaming people, and players who just flew from one side of the field to the other. Not to mention a very large moving picture of Victor Krum. The book had more than that, which featured a detailed and very exciting game between the two teams. They just zapped out the excitement from the tournament, which is *sigh* sad... 2. For the final challenge to the champions, the movie failed to put-up to what Dumbledore said as a maze with hideous and dangerous creatures more than dragons or creatures from the deep sea. Well, I saw nothing but moving vines, walls and a murderous Viktor Krum. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie and for me it was the best Harry Potter movie so far. But it was also the book that tops my list that I really enjoyed in all the Harry Potter series (but am not yet done reading The Order of the Phoenix and The Half-Blood Prince so things might change soon.) But I could have enjoyed it more if they didn't omit those exciting scenes. Oh well, one thing still stands... reading the book is more enjoying than watching the movies... =D

Frustration # 1

2005-11-25T06:28:00.000+08:00

Di ko alam. Alam kong wala naman akong sasabihin pero nangangati akong magpost ngayon. Haha! Siguro dahil sobrang frustrating na talaga ng situation ko..sa PROGRAMMING! Waaah! I've been studying ASP .NET (Active Server Pages .NET) for months now but I can't really grasp the whole idea of it, even the basics. I've learned web programming (using PHP and ASP, but not hardcore programming) and I find it hard to shift to ASP .NET which was so similar to Visual Basic. I've designed some web applications for my company using ASP .NET but all those are done on the design only..wala pang codes dun. Kalungkot! Haha! Anyway, hindi pa naman ako nawawalan ng pag-asa... Pero malapit na..Haha!

Blogs ang blogs

2005-10-21T08:45:00.000+08:00

Just a few minutes... Just to get away from my programming where I don't seem to be moving from the design phase...eeps! I've had this blog for sometime now...yun nga lang...sa hinaba-haba ng panahon..ala pa rin akong naisulat..Haha! I don't know, but it seems so hard for me to post... Minsan iniisip ko na baka di lang ako articulate..hehe.. But when you come to think of it, everytime I try to create one, I find it so hard to think of something to write. 'Di ko alam kung talagang wala lang nangyari sa araw ko o talagang di lang ako makapag-isip ng sasabihin. Minsan iniisip ko rin na baka sobrang insecurities, kesyo baka maligra (maligrammar, as how my high school teacher would put it), o baka may masabi akong nakakaoffend sa ibang tao...hehe I admire those people who have a lot to say on their blogs...Good ones. Like Kuya Ganns' (go for gold on the Best Pinoy Blogs!)... Minsan mas gusto kong magbasa na lang nung blog nya kesa magsulat..Nyahaha! Isa pa, mas nagagamit nya ng mabuti yung blog nya by telling everyone of God's love and His goodness to him and to his family (hi Ate Caths)... Panalo! Anyway, these are just some thoughts...I will try harder to post more often. I'll just enjoy this as much as I could...malay nyo...*grins* wala lang..

A Family for God

2005-09-27T10:18:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Family Sunday at our Church. It was the final celebration for th Family Month. During the appeal, our pastor called for us to seat beside our family members and altogether sing the song "We Will Serve the Lord". I don't realize this often but I was really touched to see that every member of my family was there.My Mom, Ate Grace (our eldest), Jayson (my younger brother) and Ariane (the youngest), including me. We are all there. My Mom started crying and then my Ate. Am so thankful to God that I belong to a family who's members are His loyal servants. Seeing us go to Church all together is something... I couldn't ask for more.